Adventurers of All Kinds

M had a work-required costume party. Theme: adventurers of all kinds. Someone must have turned off his imagination. He was going to go as a pirate “because everyone else at work is a pirate.”

He showed me what he had gotten at the costume store down the street. Yes, there are lots of costume stores in Las Vegas. (Let’s not speculate about the reasons for this.) No way was my hubby going in THAT pirate costume. Eeesh. It was, shall we say, lame.

I made it my mission while I was in LV to find a better costume for the hubster. I did some research and found Williams Costume Company at 1226 South 3rd St downtown. Pull up in the parking lot and you are greeted by the enormous mural depicting a group of showgirls from the 1950s. I guess one of these beauties is the owner of the store.

As it says at LonelyPlanet.com, “Williams has supplied the Strip's starlets with DIY costuming raw goods since 1957. Check out the headshots in the dressing rooms, then pick up some rhinestones, sequins, feathers - you go girl! The staff are friendly and costume rentals are available.”

Nancy (she must be in her 80s but still wearing showgirl stage makeup) gave me a personal tour, helping me find a more suitable guise for my man. We settled on a crusader’s garb, consisting of a tunic, robe and crown. The costume didn’t include pants, so I said to Nancy “Does he just wear his own black pants with this?”

“Honey, I don’t care if he wears pants or not. This is Vegas,” she says.

Bah-dump-bump ( I could practically hear the drum after the punch line). Me, the straight man to Nancy’s funny. I had to hold on to the clothing rack to keep from falling down. I felt my face get warm, blushing. I’m not a prude. She just caught me off guard.

I had a more imaginative idea for a costume.

You know the head gear for a novice nun? Like that worn by Maria in “The Sound of Music?”

M could wear all his own clothes and hold one of his fat nasty cigars, wearing the novice nun hat. He could be a missionary… an adventurer for God. I guess I was the only one who thought that was funny.

Even Nancy didn't think it was funny. I explained my great idea and she just looked at me with those eye-shadowed eyes, deadpan.

M didn't like the "adventurer for God" idea, either. He refused to be that imaginative.

My husband, the crusader.

Heave Ho!

Had to return that lame pirate costume to the other place, though. When we got there, we were not allowed in. Criss Angel was inside filming a segment for his show. I think it’s called MindFreak? It was annoying. We stood outside for about an hour while his crew kept saying “Five more minutes and he’ll be done, dude.” Once they finally opened the doors, he was nowhere to be seen… must have run to the back with his entourage. So much for our almost B-list celebrity encounter.